“Use your words.” That could be heard about 100 times a day in my house while growing up. There were a lot of us, so you needed to be clear with what you needed. There wasn’t spare time to let anyone guess what you had floating around in your brain. You had to use your words if you wanted anything.
This translates to all areas of life. First, you have to define what your need is, then you have to communicate it to others. If not, the result is major FRUSTRATION and lots of ASSUMING. (Not a pleasant end.)
Did you know you can avoid a whole lot of grief by “using your words” while planning your wedding? Yeah, I knew you did. But just in case, here are some gentle reminders on how using your words will help you -and your loved ones- immensely as you prepare to celebrate on what should be one of the happiest days of your life.
Define and communicate your needs.
“Marcy, I need you to be in charge of the gift table and getting everything in our getaway car at 10:30pm before our final exit. How many other hands do you need to help you with that?” Clarifying and delegating duties help make sure things get done.
“Girls, the bridal dressing room is super tiny, so I’m going to need you all to be dressed and ready before you get to the venue.” Thus reducing the stress, mess and chaos before the ceremony.
“I wanted to make sure you received the wedding day timeline and confirmed your arrival time at the venue, Mr. DJ.” Have your vendors check in; making sure everyone has the key details for the day is imperative.
And even before all of the small things, make sure you know your main goals for the wedding first. What does that mean?
1) Identify your top 5 most important aspects/details of your wedding day. What things are absolute musts in order to make this day your dream come true? And don’t be general -be very specific. If you nail all 5, then you should be delighted, even if minor hiccups occur (which they always do.)
2) Have a clear budget and stick to it. You’ve identified what’s most important to you for your wedding, now budget accordingly so you get what you want. Don’t wiggle around on this unless new funds have appeared.
3) Delegate. Whether you hire a coordinator (always a good choice) or your family and friends are teaming up to make this wedding happen, kindly delegate duties to responsible people. Also -and I know I’ve said this before- don’t make your mother do it all. It’s just not nice. Put your bridesmaids to task or create a “TEAM BRIDE” -a group of friends who have volunteered to be your decorating/undecorating crew and gophers for the last few days leading up to and on the day of the wedding. And be sure to have thank you gifts for them.
4) Get what you need to stay sane. Personally, my getting ready routine is like meditation time. In order for me to have a solid start to my day, it’s best if I have a peaceful 30 minutes to do my hair and make up. I’m getting centered, getting in the zone, psyching up for the day. Shakespeare said, “know thyself.” This means you need to identify what you need to stay in a peaceful, joyful mindset particularly on your wedding day. For me, it was getting ready by myself on my wedding day. For you, it may mean something different -but be sure to identify your unique -and very valid- needs. It will keep you a happy girl 🙂
5) Confirm, confirm, confirm. Make sure your guests, bridal party, family and vendors have all the information such as wedding weekend timelines, addresses, payments covered, invoices updated, etc. And, particularly, a contact person who will have their phone on them all day to answer questions and check in. (Pst, this shouldn’t be you.)
Sometimes I forget about this lesson. I neglect to use my words, I beat around the bush, I am afraid of being too direct because I think it will offend others, or I just haven’t taken the time to figure out what I really want and therefore can’t articulate it.
It’s a refreshing -and empowering- reminder, though, when I re-learn this valuable lesson. It’s the best lesson my mother ever taught me and has helped me in every aspect of my life whenever I remember it. So, Honey, identify what you need and then ask for it. 10 minutes set aside for uninterrupted reflection and thinking time is your first step, the rest will fall in to place.
Happy Planning, Dear! And I know this little lesson will help ensure a successful wedding day AND marriage.
Kelly Cameron Blog 